Why Bible Translation?

The ripple effect of Bible translation for families

The ripple effect of Bible translation in a community that has not had it before is remarkable. I remember sitting with a group of women in a mountain village of Ghana and hearing them discuss the effects their literacy class was having on their lives.

One woman spoke about how they were now creating a business co-op through micro-loans that were helping them all to utilize small-plot farms to provide for their families. Another spoke about how she suddenly felt empowered in the market place, that she could sign her signature mark now, knowing what she was signing for, and that no one took advantage of her anymore. A third mother spoke of all the knowledge she was newly attaining about the world around her, and that she had never had access to the health pamphlets given by the city and aid workers before! She cried as she gestured and explained examples of how to wash her baby, and that covering their food could make a difference in keeping things sanitary… simple but powerful things that had never been opened to them before. 

They spoke from the heart, blatantly choked up and moved by the impact of these practical lessons. These mega life-changes all followed the introduction of a Bible translation project into their community, and the establishment of literacy courses alongside it, so that once the Word became fully available in their variety's heart language, they would be able to read it.

My experience of these stories is not isolated, and today's PassionBite video beautifully reiterates some of the socioeconomic ripple effects that have shown communities Jesus' love for them through practical means.

Empowering Families for Lasting Change from Wycliffe USA on Vimeo.

The Boogi Waqa

Today's PassionBite contains a story from Kenya (as told by Bob Creson), involving a wily and misbehaving cow, a dream bearing a vision from Heaven, and the fulfilment of God's promise to the Borana people to provide His Word to them in their language once again… 

The hot desert day was over and a small group of Borana people—nomadic cattle herders in Kenya—sat down under the stars to share news and stories. As SIL workers Jim and Dorothea Lander joined them, an elder began to speak.

“Long, long ago,” he said, “the Borana people had a Book of God. We called it our Boogi Waqa and everyone had a copy. We read it often to learn how to please God. But as the years passed, our books began to wear out until eventually only one remained—the prized possession of an old, old grandfather.

“Those were years of drought, and our people relentlessly battled for survival. Day after day the old man and his family took their cattle out on long searches for grass and water. One day they left behind a cow too weak to keep up with them. Nosing around for food while no one watched, she came upon the last Boogi Waqa…and devoured it! When the old man came home that night, he found only a few pieces of leather binding scattered on the ground. Great sadness filled the camp.

“That night the old man slept fitfully and dreamt that an angel appeared to him. The angel promised that after many years God would send their book back to them. ‘Watch for a strange man from a faraway country,’ said the angel. ‘When he comes, treat him well, for he will bring back your Boogi Waqa.’

“Many years later, the first missionaries came into Borana land. Some of you remember them. They tried to learn our language, and one of them actually wrote a book he said came from God, but we could not read it.” The elder paused, and then with a long sigh, he concluded: “Now, my children, we still wait for the Boogi Waqa.”

Jim and Dorothea were still learning the Borana language, but they understood enough to marvel at the story. A few weeks later, they entertained some Borana men in their home. After dinner and several cups of sweet, creamy tea, a man named Galgalo picked up the Lander children’s English Picture Bible. Galgalo could read it because he’d served in the Kenyan Air Force. He read the story of the Tower of Babel in English, and then told the Borana men what it said in their own language.

Together they looked at the pictures in the Bible and exclaimed, “Look, these men dress just like we do, with flowing clothes and turbans! They pack their camels like we do! And this desert looks just like ours!”

Galgalo turned to Jim and asked, “Is this a Borana book? Is it…could it be…the Boogi Waqa?”

“Yes,” said Jim. “This is the Boogi Waqa.”

Silently the men stared at Jim and Dorothea. Slowly they turned their gaze back to the book. Long into the night they explored the book, examining the pictures and listening to Galgalo read. Eventually they came to a picture of the Israelites sacrificing a lamb, as God had instructed them to do in the Old Testament.

The men told Jim, “Our fathers taught us that the Boogi Waqa told how to sacrifice a lamb, so that God would forgive our sins. And sure enough here it is in this Boogi Waqa! We still do our animal sacrifices, but some of the missionaries say we should stop. Why is that?”

His heart pounding, Jim took the Bible and turned to the tenth chapter of Hebrews. With Galgalo’s help, he explained that God sent his Son, Jesus, to be the perfect sacrifice for sin. They no longer needed to sacrifice lambs each year because now they could find forgiveness of sin and eternal life by putting their trust in Jesus, who died for their sins once for all!

Health concerns later sent the Landers back home, but a Borana man, David Diida, drew on their linguistic research to spearhead a revision of the Bible and a very successful literacy program. Many groups of believers can now read their own Book of God all across Northern Kenya.

Dorothea says, “I believe God placed the Boogi Waqa story in Borana history and preserved it in their oral culture so that many years after the original book disappeared, men would seek after God and find in Him eternal life by reading their new Boogi Waqa.”

God left His footprint in the desert sands of Northern Kenya, and He’s left it in many other cultures around the world. Missionaries often think they are “taking God to the people” they are called to serve. But the truth is, He has already been there, preparing the way.

We Go Way Back

#Throwbackthursday to a powerful historical milestone that was one of the first miracles of Bible translation acceleration!

“It is a press. ... Through it, God will spread His Word. A spring of truth shall flow from it: like a new star it shall scatter the darkness of ignorance, and cause a light heretofore unknown to shine amongst men.” —Johannes Gutenberg

Before Johannes Gutenberg invented the movable-type printing press in the 1400s, every Bible was produced by hand. This meant only the wealthy could afford them. Gutenberg’s invention eventually made it possible for anyone to own a Bible.

God, When Will You Speak in My Tongue?

I have spoken a lot about my passion to see the Word of God translated into every person's heart language; however, there is a passion more powerful than this---that of the personally yearning---the passion that the Bibleless people of the earth have to receive it themselves. The poem below was written by a man from Southern Sudan, as he tried to put words to his desire to receive the Bible in his language.

As I've expressed here before, some of the places where Bible translation is still needed have few to no believers yet. However, in much of Africa, there are places where the Gospel was brought decades ago and there is a vibrant church, but no Bible in the language of the people! As Ed Lauber (a missionary in Ghana) puts it, "In such cases, believers long to have God’s word in a language they really understand. They know that the Bible is being translated into languages around them, and they wonder when it will be their turn."

God, When Will You Speak in My Tongue?

Far and near

It is said that you, God, speak!

How do you do that?

Is it in their tongues?

If it is truly so,

God, when will you speak in my tongue?

East and west, north and south,

The Creator speaks, it is said!

Not in the language as of birds;

But in other human tongues I cannot understand!

God, when will you speak in my tongue?

Children and grown-ups of other lands,

With their different tongues,

Know your voice.

In their tongues you speak a special message to them!

If you speak messages in different tongues,

God, when will you speak in my tongue?

In the world around, we perceive you,

Yet your language is not clear.

We want to know you personally,

We want to hear you speak to us.

If you know all tongues,

God, when will you speak in my tongue?

We search you as a treasure.

Our eyes look on mountains, rivers,

Even in caves, forest and world around us.

Many voices are heard, confused we become,

If your voice is one, as of that of the Creator of all,

God, when will you speak in my tongue?

Oh! God, Creator of all people,

You who do not segregate,

Is it possible to hear you speak?

Can you speak in my tongue?

God, when will you speak in my tongue?

—James Lokuuda Kadanya

James speaks the Toposa language of South Sudan, which is spoken by more than a half million people. Today he is operating Salt and Light Outreach Ministries in South Sudan.

This post originally appeared on July 22, 2011, at http://blog.theseedcompany.org/bible-translation-2/god-when-will-you-speak-in-my-tongue-2/#.VLbDw8aUf8E

The voice of charts and graphs

The reality is staggering. Here are the current and updated needs for Bible translation projects around the world:

Portrait of translation

This tapestry, it fills my heart now in a way more than ever before. I mentioned last week that many years ago, I didn't understand all the roles that were required for this task.. I didn't understand its vastness, I had no concept of two thousand languages spoken by 180 million people without the Bible in their language, so at that time, my mind had only two categories for this work: Bible translator, and sender.

With my interest came research though, and then the hunger for more research brought me on a trip to Ghana with Wycliffe Discovery in 2004! And adventure and knowledge were added to research, and with knowledge came fire. Through that experience and through getting to begin linguistic training, I learned of Language Survey, alphabet-writing, night literacy courses being taught in the jungle by the light of thunder-lamps. I learned about data programs being written by the tech-minded missionary that can accelerate the "code cracking" of language development and translation. And there are teachers that are needed for the families called to this life-long work. And none of it works without the rest of it.

And now, on the other side of some life-changing events for me, through health issues that, at least for now, change my ability to be a Language Surveyor in uncharted territory, I look through the prism at God's call on my life to be a part of Bible translation, and I understand this call now more than I did before. Just as He expanded my two categories of Bible translation into the more real tapestry-paradigm, replete with the many categories of roles that are needed, I now know with more certainty and trust that this is what I'm made for, and that this call will continue to surprise me, in all the many forms and roles that Abba places before me. I see a fuller picture now, and that each role is one of the exquisite colors needed to complete what He is creating, and that there is a call and a role for every believer in this commission to make disciples and bring the gospel.

Where God is but a visitor

When we speak about Bible translation needs, we're really speaking about "two groups": the unreached people groups (completely unevangelized, needing the Word and the Gospel to be brought), and then also the people all over the world that maybe have a church and are established believers, but have no Scripture in their language.

The one that people usually think about when Bible translation comes up are the unreached people groups of the world, (people in the "10/40 window"), while the second category of Bible translation needs are for the hundreds of languages that are spoken in countries that may have millions of believers, but very few with access to God's Word in their heart language. In a lot of cases, this second group includes the oppressed church, or simply believers that speak a different language than the country's nationally recognized/standardized language (this group covers people in places like Russia, First Nations tribes in northern Canada, the islands of Indonesia, language varieties in Southern Italy and other European nations, evangelized African nations, countries all over South America, and on and on an on!). These people may understand some of the national language, but it's not the language they speak at home, or in the market, and it's not the language they speak to their children, spouses, loved ones. So when they go to church, they experience the Lord speaking only to them as a foreigner would, as an unfamiliar visitor might - not in the language that speaks to their heart or makes the most sense to their minds, but in a language that is not their own. And this experience can come riffled with misunderstanding about what our Abba is really like!---Their whole experience of church, worship, and prayer may be teaching them that God is not a personal God, but a formal, standardized, political god, and that He does not understand their tongue, nor care to speak with them as a friend does. In many places, the church cannot mature as it can here, because its believers and even pastors do not have access to the Word to read and study on their own, discipleship is limited, and belief remains thin, unfed, and unfulfilled by Christ's coming.

Today' PassionBite video is about the great need for Bible translation for already-existent believers. Author and pastor, Francis Chan, speaks about the authority of the Word, and the URGENT need for pastors and believers all over the world to have it.

Francis Chan on the Authority of God’s Word from The Seed Company on Vimeo.

Bringing God's Voice to the Small - God Speaks Kwatay

In thinking this week about the marginalized people groups of the world, I was reminded of another story, from a missionary couple in Senegal:

"We went to Senegal in 1990. We were expecting that we would be assigned to a large language group, one with hundreds of thousands or perhaps even a million speakers. But when we arrived, we found that the larger languages had either all been taken, or no work on them was currently planned. The top three priorities that SIL gave to us to visit and pray about all had only about 10,000 speakers. During that trip, God seemed to be clearly leading us to work with the Kwatay, a group of only about 5,000 people. I remember walking through the village the night we were there, and I stopped to watch a full moon rise over the point of a grass-roofed hut. A voice seemed to come to me, "Is it really worth giving your whole life to bringing God's Word to just 5,000 people?" I was struggling with that in my flesh - and it wasn't so obvious at the time, as it is now, where that voice was coming from. But then I seemed to hear another voice. It said, "How many churches are there in Weed?" Weed was my home town in California, a small mountain community of about 3,500 people. I started to count and came up with 8. The "voice" then continued, "Eight pastors who are giving

their lives to bring the Lord to that community, isn't it right for the Kwatay to have one?" We never looked back. God went on to impress on us from the Scriptures that he had never chosen the strong or proud or numerous, but he was always concerned with the widow and the orphan and the outcast - those who were small in the world's eyes. The Kwatay New Testament was dedicated in 2000. I think God is especially pleased to hear such a small group of voices gathered around the throne singing, "Úsali Atambatun!" ("We praise you God!")."

The anatomy of the translation process and... cartoons?

One of the things I get asked a LOT is about what the process of Bible translation actually looks like! Years ago, I myself thought there was just this one large, all-encompassing role of "Bible Translator" that sort of did it all.. I hadn't been given a full glimpse into the HUGENESS of what needed to be done yet, and I hadn't thought critically about how necessary lots of checks and balances are in the process, so that we know that the end-product translation is accurate, clear and natural to the native-tongue speaker.

This video is today's PassionBite, and the best resource I've found for making this enormous task make a bit more sense!

Access Equals Empowerment

Yesterday I referenced the incredible fact that English speakers were once also the "Bibleless peoples of the world", that had no access to God's voice in a language they could deeply understand.

As Bob Creson, the current president of Wycliffe USA, put it, "Did you know that John Wycliffe served the marginalized people of his day? He served the peasants -- the English speakers. Royalty spoke French; the Church spoke Latin; the nobodies spoke English. 'Don't cast the pearls of the Gospel before swine.'---That was the attitude of the Church during the time of Wycliffe, but he had a vision, a mission and a passion that English peasants, who spoke an 'inferior' language, should have access to the Scriptures. He said, 'Everyone has a right, even peasants, to hear and understand the Word of God.'"

In this letter that Bob Creson wrote to encourage missionaries, he went on to draw a connection between Access and Empowerment, telling several stories of how receiving access to the Word brings empowerment for change with it. One of those stories involves the Cacua people of Columbia. They are a small people group living in the jungle, that only received a completed Bible several years ago, but the turn-around in their village is beautiful! It shows a people who have been affected by the Word, not just on a behavioral-level, but in a way that has impacted every level: their self-worth, activities, cultural identity, and the treatment they receive from their surrounding villages. Their story is below!

Passion from function and fact

When I was a small child and into my teens, I remember curling up with captivating books that told stories of far-off places, with descriptive, enticing, moving language that got my heart and my head thrumming, because understanding came to me through emotion. At the same time, my beautiful sister would be curled up with a fat volume of the Encyclopedia, and her heart would be just as enraptured as mine. My husband is this way too! I have been told tales of how he'd be found taking toys apart, piece by piece, and not out of destructiveness, like a mother might assume, but because they were his favorite toys and he needed to understand them…

For some of my dearest friends, passion comes not from simply feeling something deeply, but from understanding how it works, or from "knowing the facts” and the history.  That kind of passion gets renewed by playing, by learning and doing, tinkering or studying. For that reason, today I wanted to post this interactive timeline about Bible translation!  The sheer breadth of this task---how long it’s been going on, and how much is left to be done---blow me away. But it is also comforting to see how far it has come already, and how we now live in a society that cannot remember a time when we were the culture that had no access to the Word in our tongue. 

One day it will be that way for them all. Amen.  

http://www.wycliffe.net/BTT.html

"You say it is heresy to speak of the Holy Scriptures in English. You call me a heretic because I have translated the Bible into the common tongue of the people. Do you know whom you blaspheme? Did not the Holy Ghost give the Word of God at first in the mother-tongue of the nations to whom it was addressed?” 

-(John Wycliffe, quoted by David Fountain in John Wycliffe: The Dawn of the Reformation, pp. 45-47)

Waiting to hear it for the first time..

I can't count how many times I've heard it… Or even how many times I've had the conversation myself!---a philosophical question of which translation I prefer, which one someone feels is archaic or the best--ESV, NIV, KJV, New International Standard Bible of something or other…

We only know what it is like to have more than 100 versions of this Book. We even know a very first-world struggle of dusting it off, of being reminded in church that it brings Life and that it not only holds God's answers for everything, but is His living Word. We only know what it is like to have always had it. We teach our children beautiful songs that fortify their hearts: "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so".

But the majority of the world is not experiencing it this way at all. And they do not have a Bible that is telling them of His great love. They are not philosophizing over which translation speaks to them more or which one feels outdated, they are waiting to hear it for the first time. Some of them are part of a Body of believers that has heard that God has much to say, and when a translation has been started in their village, they wait and support those working on it, praying that they will receive His voice soon.

Today I wanted to share one example of a people group receiving a completed portion of the Word of God for the first time. These ceremonies are mesmerizing, and the joy and expectation are palpable! The Kimyal in Indonesia received a completed New Testament in 2010, and this is a peek into their celebration!

  

Kimyal New Testament launch in Indonesia from United Bible Societies on Vimeo.

http://www.wycliffe.net/stories/tabid/67/Default.aspx?id=2323&continent=ASI&country=ID

I have heard the cries of my people..

I've been thinking a lot about Moses and Joshua, about the faith they had to see impossible tasks completed, and their willingness and watchfulness as God brought not just resolution and deliverance, but resolution and deliverance in unimaginable ways---miraculous, jaw-dropping, perfectly-timed, defying-the-natural-laws-of-science kind of ways.

Over and over, in the New Testament and Old, we see the Lord say "I have heard the cries of my people…" and great acts of love and deliverance follow.  It isn't that He needs us to ask, but the fact that our asking, engaging, and earnest yearning means so much to Him is an incredible honor. He extends to us a huge power and responsibility---that all Believers would be a part of the Great Commission---a huge mission of resolution and deliverance---by going, sending, and praying.

We often minimize the importance of the praying part, as though it were the lesser of the three, and today I wanted to highlight two stories through this video that remind me of the power and necessity of prayer in the gigantic task of Bible translation. I invite you to watch it, and then to also follow the link below to become a steady prayer partner for Bibleless people groups all over the world. 

Even now, Jonathon and I pray that wherever we end up working and translating, that God is raising up a team of national surveyors and translators to work with us, and that this would be happening all over the world in various translation projects. Please lift up the harvest-workers that are abroad now, laboring even in dangerous places, that need their Father's protection, blessing, strength, healing, and provision for the great task before them, and for His resolution and deliverance, in unimaginable ways. Amen.

http://www2.wycliffe.org/finishline

So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God

Today's bite deals with Oral Bible Storytelling! Around 70% of the Bibleless peoples of the world live in oral cultures, that are not reliant on literacy or have a population which is currently mostly illiterate. They long to hear from God in their heart-language, and although the long-term goal is still a written Bible for these cultures, faith comes by hearing, and many of these people-groups are receiving God's Word now in oral-form. These projects thrill my heart, as I watch the fleshing-out of God meeting His people where they are, and as it reminds me that His Word is LIVING, and that when He first created life, He wrote the story of Creation with an audible word from His mouth.

"The Craziest Gringo"

Today's bite of passion centers around crazy faith! I NEED this in my life. Although my husband and I have a life centered around this crazy Bible translation task, I wake some days being worried about small, mundane things. Even when our worries come about the larger struggles (crippling illness, staggering medicine costs, immigration processes), there are days it takes effort to STOP and refuse the swirling questions in our hearts. It's especially on those days when my Abba reminds me that big or small, no obstacle has ever been larger than He is, and no question will ever exist that isn't already a past-tense to His solution and redemption. His seal already stitches up the gaping hole in question; we are just experiencing time and those needs as little ones, not tall enough to see over the holy ridge yet. And so as purchased little ones, we choose faith, we choose rest, knowing that His call forward means there is a provision for those steps. The story below is about one of the BIG times this faith was displayed in the starting days of Wycliffe Bible Translators, when William Cameron Townsend was just starting out with the vision God gave him:

 

At the 25-year celebration of SIL’s work in Peru, Mr. José Jiménez Borja, an assistant to the Peruvian Minister of Education years before, told this story.

“I remember the day Mr. Townsend came into my office in 1945. He presented the most ridiculous plan I had ever heard.
 

“He wanted to go into the jungle with a group of linguists. They were going to learn the languages of the people, form alphabets, teach the people how to read and translate the Bible into those languages. He wanted my blessing on this impossible project. Our conversation went like this:

Mr. Townsend, who is going to do all this work?

It will be done by trained linguists-young men and women with college degrees who are willing to spend their lives among the indigenous peoples.

This is a difficult task. How many are willing to go?

None, yet. But when I go back to the U.S. and challenge them, many will volunteer.

The jungle is impossible. How will you get those people out to the villages?

I plan to use airplanes to land on the rivers and airstrips that can be cleared in the jungle.

How many planes do you have?

None. But when I share the need, God will give us enough planes.

Who will fly these planes?

Hundreds of young people, seasoned pilots and mechanics will volunteer.

How many pilots and mechanics do you now have?

None, but God will send them along.

There is much disease in the jungle. How will you stay healthy?

We’ll have clinics staffed by doctors and nurses.

How many doctors and nurses do you have?

None, but God will supply them.

Who will finance all this? The U.S. government? A wealthy foundation?

No. I’ll go home and tell the people of the United States about this plan. God will supply. All the workers will raise their own support.

At this I stared at the strange man and told him, “When all that comes to pass, come back to me and I will bless you.”

He got up, gave me a big hug, and said, I’ll be back soon.

“When Mr. Townsend walked out of the door, I turned to my secretary and said, ‘Alla va el gringo mas loco que jamas he visto.’ (There goes the craziest gringo I’ve ever seen in my life.)

“A few months later, Mr. Townsend was back and ready to start! Now, 25 years later, all he dreamed has happened, plus much more. Only God could do such a mighty thing.”

—Adapted from an article by Bernie May in Beyond, Vol. 30, No. 1

"It Starts in the Strangest Places"

In my 20's, when I first began hearing about Bible Translation again in college, I was rocked by the big picture… that so many social justice, economic, health, and political issues could be miraculously assaulted through the world receiving God's Word. I had certainly known and felt before that God's Word and presence in my life affected everything, but in terms of the mass-suffering of the world, I felt powerless and paralyzed in knowing where and how to help. For me personally though, the Lord began to relentlessly shine a light on the concept of Bible translation as the place to start, and I began to see how starting here brought change and an army-force of light to all other areas of life burdened with the shadow of sorrow, need, death, and darkness.

So today's bite of passion deals with the BIG PICTURE of Bible translation---a reminder of the vastness of impact and the ripple effect that these translation projects, for every tribe and tongue, will have not only on eternity, but now, in the lives of our languishing brothers.

A thirty-day "diet" of passion~

Passion and Calling are interesting, hungry beasts, and nothing wakes them like this particular day, each year. Where December 31st comes gliding into our psyches on the beautiful and holy winter exhale of Christmas, New Year's Day shoves at our hearts with purpose, rousing it with a newfound umph!

We long to start well, and January reminds us that the slate is clean, that Jesus has bannered us with a firm it is finished, and we get to wear His name instead of our own murky deeds, identity, and effort. And I think the Lord loves this time of year too… The heft of symbols, and all that advent means burns my heart up each year--learning to wait on and with my Abba--and then to have it followed by the freshness of a new chance to learn to follow Him well.

One of the small ways I want to do that this year is to intentionally feed on what excites the Lord. I find those things in His word, in His creation (us, and nature) and the images of His creativity that come out through us (music, art, poetry..). But I also find it in the passions He's placed inside of me and others---all images of the passions contained in His own heart, the one pure heart. This month, I feel Him calling me to celebrate that, and to nestle into Him by learning more about what brings Him joy, what He's up to around the world and specifically in Bible translation, and what He longs for us to do about it!

So for 30 days, I will process and post what I find here, and I hope you'll join me in my pursuit and celebration!

Humira Shots, Haircuts, and Wedding Dresses, Oh My!

So, once again it’s been a long time since I’ve written! This year continues to be one wherein very little is “normal”, and in some ways not writing about it but just experiencing it has been the best way to process it. However, God always seems to bring me back to a place where I must recall that putting words to difficult things takes the power out of them… We name something, shed light on it, and invite Community into it, and suddenly the fear-swirl that comes with it must diminish. When I’m silent with something for too long, there is a temptation to see it as bigger than me, and what’s worse, that creeps into the feeling that it’s bigger than God, and the lie that we’re alone. I end up folding, thinking that speaking about things equates to whining, but that’s just a trick to make us feel judged, petty, small, and guilty, when Christ’s real perspective is one that caters to little children crawling up in His lap with little-children-worries.

The funny part is that these emotions seem to come out with the “wrong” triggers! Sickness itself was so bad. This last flare-up was so strong, so altogether crushing, that maybe there just wasn’t time to feel things as they happened, and now, months after the worst of it, the tiny things are the button-pushers.

This past week I had to cut my hair off. The rounds of powerful medicines we had to use for this flare-up made it rapidly fall out, and by the time this month came around it was clear that it wasn’t salvageable and that I was going to be a short-haired bride afterall. Not what I’d always dreamed of, but also NOT a huge deal; it’s definitely just hair! But somehow the no-choice-in-the-matterness of it all shook me up more than I expected, and on the happiest of girly days—when I got to go pick up my wedding dress and do the first fitting—I started to weep. Maybe these tangible things exist to put form to something we wouldn’t be able to process another way. Lost tresses and the way they change my face force me to move forward, to take a deep breath and chose bravery in the small stuff, leaving loss behind and pursuing confidence again after feeling tossed around by feisty circumstances.  

And I have been given the BEST support team for this stuff… two brothers and a sister that came along for the chop, and didn’t make me feel silly in any way, a mom that wiped my tears at the bridal salon, a pappy that nuzzled the words “you’re beautiful” into my cheek, and a fiancé that has only gushed delight, excitement, support, and anticipation at a lifetime of seeing each other grow and change.

A few days later, we needed to administer the second “loading dose” of the new “biologic” medication (given in my arm this time, instead of the initial 4 in my belly – see the pic!). This one is replacing the Remicade that was causing the hairloss, exhaustion, and brain-fog. We’re really hopeful that this is the one we can stick with for many years to come, and are praying that as it gets in my system, I will become able to wean off the steroids again and remain on only 1-2 medicines! It’s awesome to be able to give myself the shots (it’ll be 1 shot every 2 weeks now), and to no longer have to plan around intravenous infusions every 8 weeks! This medicine still suppresses my immune system, which potentially still limits where Johnny and I will be able to serve with Wycliffe in the future, but that “limit” no longer feels scary, and I stand firmly on the knowledge that no medicine will wrangle any limitation on God’s will.

So change pummels forward, but good things are afoot. Smiling today at the oddity of this summer, and thankful for all the ways this body is calming down. 

Mourning a path and gardening willingness

This is the week I was supposed to move to Papua New Guinea. ..Was supposed to get on a plane and leave everything behind but the relationships sending me, all my family and friends tethering me with love to this place. ..Was supposed to fly in multiple stages across datelines and timezones to a mountainous land throbbing from the ground with groans of longing for the Word in their languages...

I feel it pulse under my skin, everything put on hold, a twelve-year process prolonged into waiting once again.

And there is deep sadness in that, sorrow that some weakness in my physical body could explode into such severity now, and delay me from this work that I have felt my Lord tug at me about for more than half my years. Maybe it’s the steroids, but I find myself weeping often now, grasping to grieve for the scariness that November in the hospital was, for the confusion caused by getting so close to launching into Language Survey and then hearing God’s clear “No, still not yet.”

But that’s not quite it, maybe not quite true enough. I find myself grieving for the ifs. It’s too soon to know, but I find my soul reaching for answers about what things can be like once I’m in remission again——will it be possible to be a surveyor still, or will I need to do less physical roles in the Bible translation process? Will the Third World ever open up as an option again, or will these medicines (immuno-suppressants) be God’s tools of redirection, bringing me to work in a country I didn’t expect?  If it can no longer be Papua New Guinea, why did God spend all that time moving me in that direction, researching these people and their languages, investing in this Survey team, and creating a passion in me for the work He is doing there?——the questions can go on an on, but even they only scratch the surface, as it's more complicated than that. I can SEE God weaving together intricate stories that require more complexity, more ambiguity and waiting on Him than I'm comfortable with, but His results are always better than I can dream up, and the answers to those questions aren't the point..

Maybe more than this, then, I am grieving for how I can be so fully sold, so completely the property of my Jesus, and then still find willfulness in me that—in a tiny corner of my most honest and bare soul—hopes for my vision of things, my understanding, more than I fling myself at His feet to do whatever He pleases. Because He is most concerned with the conversation. There is no doubt that He will win. There is no doubt that all will hear, and He is mobilizing everyone who is willing to form the lines that will march forward with His healing, His breath, His salvation for every tribe and tongue. But more than just this end result, He uses every sorrow, every delay, every fog-enshrouded question mark, tear, and crumple to draw us and everyone around us into His lap, and to cultivate in us every good thing that cannot be there without whatever furnace He has brought us to. His sovereignty demands that I redefine everything—that if He allows it, that I should then call it Good, and open up my whole being to being drenched by that fire so we can continue on our way, refined and sharpened, and not consumed (Isaiah 43:2). He is fiercely committed to exacting every small rebirth of ferocious trust in us that will come from changing our plans, that will come from a million little deaths during our lifetimes, a million little lettings-go, even when He authored the direction of those plans in the first place (John 12:24). He loves me enough to forge an evermore iron-clad trust even when that process hurts.

So this week I grieve with my ribcage cracked open. I unlock that chamber so alter-flames can lick this heart with fiery tongues, can lap up disappointment and fear of loss, can dress every physical wound and every veins’ ache, can let in every EXTRAVAGANT joy that God has placed in my life in this season and every need that is before me right here, remembering that trusting Him is worth immeasurably more to Him than ministering for Him in any particular way. One will ALWAYS lead to the other (trust and love leading to ministry and worship), but He will zealously continue refining my trust until I am a closely-knit-to-Him shadow, turning on a dime, pouring Him out in the most unexpected ways and places, following His dancing Image more closely and with more abandon than I did before. Amen.