ROAD TRIP! - Part II

As I left our party for Oma that evening, my heart pulsed with the voices of my family——voices of energetic children, the sweet singing of my Oma's voice, as she metered-out the beat of a hymn with her dancing pointer-finger, and the kind, quivering voices that lifted me up in prayer at the end of the night to a Father that hears every quiet syllable...

I   will   never   forget   it.

Lately, in a serene, steady way, Luke 2:19 swirls in my mind: "But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart". I'm certainly not Mary, and not undertaking the weighty journey that she walked, but I find this progress towards the mission field is pregnant in it's own way; it is a season of waiting, planning, and dreaming, full of growth, growing pains, and a million little moments gathering up in my heart, and they are good.

The second leg of this trip was just as full of that... priceless togetherness, and my family members' intentionality, fleshed out in so many beautiful ways that will stick with me all the days of my life: my thoughtful Tante keeping me company on the route between Hamptonville and Garner, an impromptu Birthday party for Krissy and I, a Garner-Wondracek family dinner, blessed evening time with just Tante Eve and Onkel Mirvan, and a breakfast with my cousin Paul. I don't have words for these million moments, but hear me that they are so deeply, meticulously, lovingly stored up and treasured.

        

A spontaneous Birthday party thrown by my
thoughtful Tante for the 31 year old twins!

Cousins!

Passed by a street sign commemorating
one of my earliest missionary inspirations

When it was time to leave my family, I drove three hours to Charlotte for the last leg of my trip~

With the last destination, I got to meet a friend that I've known through Skype for almost a year! Diane is also a member of Wycliffe and worked with me through 2012 when I was in the membership application process. She interviewed me, answered my questions, and patiently walked me through narrowing down which country I would serve in.  It was delightful to meet for coffee, to talk face-to-face with my dear guide.

When I left the Starbucks, I got to meet up with precious nearly-family that I grew up with in NY for my last night in North Carolina. Pastor Prado is one of my spiritual fathers, and it was a keen joy to sit for a meal with the Prado family, chatting with grandchildren, and praying for one another. 

All of these moments gather with the others, a heart thrumming with a satchel of things to ponder.

ROAD TRIP! - Part I

January brought me the supreme treat of getting to hit the road to spend some time with family and friends in North Carolina! It had been a long time since I'd seen most of my extended family and some dear friends that live close, so I set out with the goal of making a huge arc, from Atlanta to Asheville, Asheville to Hamptonville, Hamtponville to Garner and Raleigh, and from there to Charlotte and home again~

The trip was fantastic, emotional, and filling. It was so good for my heart to have TIME—time to drive through icy mountains that looked like they were hemmed in only by snowy clouds on the right, time to listen to music and pray as I drove, time to hold an almost-six month Peter-baby and to catch up with one of my favorite families and closest friends since college—even time for us to curl up on couches with dogs and to learn to knit~  During this first leg of the trip, I took walks, bundling in borrowed hats and extra layers, found some Asheville barbecue, and just generally soaked in the presence of some of the Biards and Freels. Take a peak..

 

 

My borrowed tuque, colors, and coats~

Jacob getting a ride from Nona!

The next leg brought me to my Oma's house, where we were all planning to converge for her 94th Birthday! It was very nearly a surprise, but Oma is a clever woman, and sweetly, excitedly, silently waited for everyone that could to show up! I drove in the night before the party and got to spend some precious hours with just Oma, Tante Magie and Onkel Erlo, and then the next day the home swelled with almost twenty family members—kids, grandkids and greatgrandkids! It was the very best kind of ruckus that exists... bustling cooks, boisterous conversations, a beaming grandmother, and delighted second-cousins running about.

   

2012 - In Memoriam

Just a handful, not even a full-fingered hand, of posts punctuated 2012, and yet it has been one of the most remarkable of my life... The last few hours of 2012 tip-toed out last night, but I was left with gratitude as I listened to the patter. I stand baffled at the sheer speed of this last year, but more by the things I don't know how to explain about it.

A year ago in December, God set a tumble of miraculous movement in motion (explained HERE, if you missed it), and in that post I mentioned the impression I had that 2012's name for me was The Year of the Lord's Favor. This might have sounded pretentious in so many ways, but my goodness this past year spilled over with kindness and generosity that I have earned in no way. Over and over and over again, there has been a constant stream of things my soul couldn't have thought to ask for, and a joy-rush towards the work God formed me for. Where pain and waiting were my strong, patient teachers for the last few, warmth and unmerited awesomeness have guided this year. And so, though it is less conventional than listing things at Thanksgiving time, here is my heart's attempt—a typed register of a few things that should not stay unsaid, an account of goodness that must be spoken.

I am thankful:

• For my parents and siblings!—My parents and my sister and brother-in-law have a Masters in sacrifice with a Concentration in making you feel loved instead of needy. They have all made room in their homes for me, as we're all adjusting to the nearness of my move to Papua New Guinea (12 months!), and it has had such an impact on me.  Beyond this, I am so very blessed by the friendship of my siblings... how all three of them are truthful mirrors, verbal, kind, honest, and playful. They chip the edges off my too-serious, and comfort me in my too-sensitive. I am surrounded by love, and have never felt the weight of it as keenly as I do now that there is a timeline until I'm on the other side of the world for a few years.
• For getting to use my passport this year! I was blessed to spend time globe-trotting with Krissy and Chris, to hop into Canadian life for three months, and to take a train down the West Coast when I left Canada to spend time with dearones in San Francisco! 

• For a church family I am always blessed to be near, where there are artists that give of themselves, where worship is born of what God is doing among these people, where community is valued above 'having everything figured out', and where I'm challenged 

• For the many new babies in my life this year, and friends that welcome me into Auntishness with their children!!!
• For getting to go to Wycliffe's headquarters last February, and again in October for training. Both of these trips shifted and impacted huge decisions, and were such a submersion tank of prayer, preparation, and counsel

  

• For time this summer (while I was at school in Vancouver) with my uncle that lives there. We got to know each other as adults now, and I am moved by his tender heart and funny stories
• For all the students, friends, and soon-to-be-colleagues that I spent the whole summer with at CanIL! It was an incredible experience, to be surrounded by people that are passionate about Linguistics, Christ, and the need for Bible Translation, (not to mention the part where British Columbia took my breath away!) Lord willing, I will see them again in 2013 for one more class~

• For Allison and the Thursday Girls—You are friends of the highest caliber, and I will always, always, always be grateful for these years in Alli's dining room, one night a week, unmasking the world, laughing, baring our hearts, and eating delectables. 
• For a job that has been more than a job and people that have been more than co-workers

• For the interest, care and concern that I have been shown as I step into this role of missionary.. for the encouragement and prayer warriors in my life, and the prayer and financial team that is beginning to form.
• For good health(!!)--I have been in a pretty steady remission from Ulcerative Colitis for more than 2 years, and despite symptoms being a little rockier during grad. school this summer, I have been allowed to begin lowering doses of maintenance meds. This was something I dreamed of getting to do before heading to PNG next year!
  
  And most impactful to me,

• the overwhelming grace that I have been treated with this year. In so many ways, I have had nothing to offer. In the past, desert places were utilized to plant me firmly in the understanding that all I have sometimes is the will to choose obedience——when sickness comes, when hardship shakes what our culture tells us we're entitled to, all we have are the ways we respond, and this can bring God glory even when we have or are nothing else. But being stripped down in this way (in strength, health, time, finances), and needing to depend on others, has also at times left me feeling utterly indebted to kindnesses I can never repay (or has made me respond as an awkward recipient). But God is turning this on its head for me—reminding me that it's all His, and that He will do what He wants with it, that He delights to surprise us, and that His methods of getting us to where He wants us (and ultimately, of redeeming  e v e r y t h i n g) are unpredictable, joyous, and almost always communal and relational. He has been revealing pride for what it really is in me, and showing me that this will need to go; that His plan has always been about interdependence and goodness that we can't earn.
  This grace and generosity took many forms this year, (a spontaneously provided airplane ticket to visit my potential school last January, a vacation with 2 of my siblings gifted to me with a loving desire to spend time together in the face of us finding out I have 1 year left before moving to Papua New Guinea, an extension on a paper that came with so much more encouragement and edification than I could have guessed, dear friends providing the funds for Wycliffe's Equip Training and others paying the full conclusion of school loans that were keeping me from the mission field).. and this has sprung fertile humility. I have been shown so much faith by others in what God has been working out in me, and that faith and the active support of it moves my heart beyond words that I will ever have access to.

My brothers and sister and I! - Christmas 2012

A Picture-Peak into EQUIP!

What a few months it's been! The summer semester at CanIL transitioned swiftly into being back home, and then tumbling into the 6-week online portion of Wycliffe's orientation course—Equip. Two weeks ago then, I got to head down to the Wycliffe USA headquarters, along with 18 other new members for two weeks of onsite training...



                             Here's a glimpse:

Some of our loving leaders~

CanIL students, unite!

A tree in the Discovery Center—Each leaf represents a people group that is still
waiting for any portion of the Bible to be translated into their language.

A few little thoughts around midterms

There is a Jiminy Cricket that works in the Homework Department of my psyche that is maybe not so pleased with me right now, but I have not taken a moment to come and breathe here in just over FIVE weeks, so he will have to whimper on tonight… 

Dearones, I’m so sorry! Weeks have tugged at small fibers so that every mental and emotional facet I have are all focused on school; but you all, your faces and your voices and your support tug back without you even knowing you’re doing it. I MISS YOU, am bolstered by you, and am lonely for how well I’m known by you, but it's a delight to be here, and I'm learning so much!

These last few weeks have been a roller coaster—I’ve been trying to juggle the course load here (Phonological Analysis, Sociolinguistic Survey, and Language and Society) with Skype-interviews and meetings with my Wycliffe Personnel Administrator; and then stuffed somewhere in between those major players have been gorgeous little bursts of either time outside to process my whirwind-head, or time with my uncle or other students… 

Last week was a crux of extremes: it began with the most exquisite beauty (our group went for a day of hiking and night of camping a few hours north to the most beautiful spot!), but then we all returned to midterm exams, awaiting projects, 12-page papers, and all the while the need to think and pray through the large decisions that are on the horizon. I found myself bucking at feeling inadequate—my brain wriggling in the one class that stretches it against its regular constructs of thinking (to the point of embarrassing tears in front of my professor!)—and I observed my initial frustration (two weeks ago?) when my history with health issues was discussed as a factor for Wycliffe in where I will be assigned… I am reminded that no matter how many seasons my faithful Christ walks me through that pull back my expectations and identity to a gloriously content and worshiping place, I am still not comfortable being a vessel filled with the right kind of emptiness sometimes.

If I’m completely honest, I gravitate back to wanting to be defined by some sort of skill or ability or unique characteristic—to have “something to offer”—but always I’m returned to the place where weaknesses or past bouts of sickness are a defining factor, or my mind’s struggle with the data/structure side of this task before me overwhelms me and I feel defined by lack. But THIS is where He begins to move again, this is where he uses my disillusionment with myself to open my eyes again, to fill them with light, to show me that those specific weaknesses that He has allowed in me are exactly as they should be and that He has always woven good stories around weakness whose only acclaiming attribute is a steady, resounding “yes, Lord”.

Once again He has to whisper, hold loosely, with your hands wide open… don’t choke it; your clasped, tiny fingers are ineffectual anyway, but you’re going to want Me to be free to move these things over and around you, across your flattened, receptive palms, little one, so trust Me and stride forward, delighted.

Arrival in Vancouver!

Light spills out of the top of a paper lantern before me, and the sun has just fully left the sky dark, although it’s nearly 10pm.. This summer British Columbia sky has caught me off guard every night this week, but I’m enjoying its temperamental rain-cloud tantrums and layered-cloud blue bliss!

How strange to begin the week on one coast and end it on another! The last few weeks have gone so quickly, let alone the last few days! Packing and precious people filled them—last-grabbed hugs, words, clutched-at hands and moments. Small bits of weighty prayers I tucked away from off your lips. Laughter that I've bottled to smile about for the next three months until I see your faces again. 

I flew here on Tuesday… Atlanta to Phoenix was a sleepy blur—eight a.m. across time backwards, arriving in Phoenix only minutes after I’d left, though I’d flown for hours. Phoenix to Vancouver arched and skimmed over carved, crooked grins of pink and brown, jaggy curves of canyon-teases kissed with blue haze. And so here I am!

It's been a lovely few days with my uncle, who lives about 30 minutes north of CanIL, the school I will be attending. His kindness has made me at home, and his company has made me thankful. It's been a joy to cook with him and run errands—to learn each other as adults and to revel in story-telling! Early this morning I drove him to the airport, as he’s a tour guide and will be in and out of this area all summer…

I took today to skype with GA-family :), and to anchor my head and heart a bit.
I got to jog a long, incredible stretch of New West Minster, too, down the Fraser River, and the sky burst down a chilly downpour as I pounded out glad-feet in a new town..

For now sleep~ And tomorrow I will drive down and continue this week of transitions, as I move into the dorms on campus for the summer!